Life Means More

My morning conversation with my husband went something like this today:

"Please don't leave me! I don't want to be all alone!" I said half teasing, half serious.

"Call someone." Replied my husband, matter-of-factly.

"Love, I don't know anyone! I have no friends!" I said in feigned agony. 

"Yes you do. Call someone." He said resolutely. 

"No, Love! Please, don't make me!"

This went on for a while, half serious, half teasing until we came to the agreement that I would indeed call someone this very day and do something. 

I don't know why, but I have a fear of calling people to do something with me, stemming from some childhood insecurity. I can throw dinner parties, I can hangout with other couples as a couple, I can meet for school or work, and if I try really hard I can even be social at church. But asking someone to 'hang out' with me one-on-one is terrifying. Period. 

 But, as I agreed to this morning, I did call someone. While scrolling through my phone to find the number of the friend I had promised to call I came across my cousins phone number. I hadn't seen her in forever even though we literally live on the same street two blocks apart. I asked if she wanted to come feed ducks with me at Utah Lake,  and she said yes and even offered to drive. 

 I was still so nervous. For crying out loud, we've known each other since we were in diapers, played together as children, and even went to high school together, what was I so nervous for! I don't know, but I  couldn't think of a thing to say half the time, and when I did I stumbled over my words and wished I'd kept my mouth shut. I was sure she would want to go home as soon as we were done. 

When we got back she walked home with me to see where I lived and I invited her to sit down. We chatted about things as only cousins can. About life as we see it, about family, friends, childhood memories, crazy life stories and our thoughts on it all. We talked for hours and then went out for frozen yogurt before saying good-bye.

When I got home I felt wonderful. My burdens felt lighter, I had new goals and things I wanted to do, I was excited and my life had more meaning. And then I stopped a minute and realized that this is what I had been missing all this time by being too afraid to call. There are many lessons that can be learned here, but the one that stood out the most to me was that people are meant to be in our life. Sometimes with all the complications, drama, stress, and chances of hurt and disappointment that come with relationships it is scary and difficult to be around people, but because of those relationships life means more.

Thank you to all my wonderful friends and family who are here for me to make life meaningful and sorry to all those who I have neglected because of my own insecurities. You are all the best!

I dedicate this to my husband who is always willing to push me to do and be more while always loving me just the way I am.